What exactly is going on here?

What’s up with this family blog? It hasn’t been updated in, what, seven months? What in the hell is going on here?

Between you and me, I’m starting to suspect the dude who writes this blog is a laggard. Seven months and not a single word? Not one pukey picture of his kids?  Nothing? 

Okay, Okay, I know. I should cut the slacker some slack. Maybe he doesn’t have the time because he’s finally built a bunker for the coming apocalypse he’s always yacking about, or perhaps he’s at last proven his worth to the family by cleaning out the garage.

Or maybe he’s been busy learning Sanskrit. That’d be just like him. The freak.

Or maybe the water finally pulled him under.

But I suspect he’s still with us. In fact, I bet the bum is sitting on a couch somewhere right now, crunching on Fruit Loops and watching reruns of CHiPs. I bet he needs a haircut. I bet he needs a new toothbrush.

What he definitely needs is a sock in the nose. He’s supposed to be documenting his mundane life. He’s supposed to be keeping his loyal readers, both of us, up to date on the toddler, Slade, who’s probably talking by now, and the six year old, Eli, who, no doubt, is doing interesting things, and that lovely wife of his, Sally, who, for reasons unfathomable, tolerates the guy.

But is he posting anything? No. The loafer is eating cereal and watching Falcon Crest in his underwear.

The nerve.

Somebody really should slug the dude. The no account has it coming.


5 Responses to “What exactly is going on here?”

  1. 1 feedDunk October 2, 2010 at 10:22 am

    Emmmmmm… Falcon Crest!

  2. 2 D S Gardner October 2, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    Nah, he’s just burning tires and drinking Lone Star down at the shore.

  3. 3 lesleyfamily October 3, 2010 at 8:25 am

    Obviously, some hooligan hacked into this account. I mean, sure, we might have watched the occasional CHiPs marathon on TV Land during our hiatus, but Falcon Crest? No way. We only watch quality TV like The A-Team and Love Boat and Who’s the Boss.

    Also, we’ve been busy with crab grass to kill and Lone Star at the lake to drink and other important work. That’s right. Important. We’re movers and shakers, we Bad Chemicalsers.

    Duncan, Dave, good to hear from you dudes. Dave, it’s been awhile since you came out to stare at the lake with your white-trash friends. (Was it something I said? Was it the aroma of burning tires?) The water is still nice and cold, just the way Ridley likes it.

  4. 4 Teri October 8, 2010 at 2:16 pm

    Hell, if I’d known you were eating Fruit Loops and watching classic TV, I never would have begged for blog updates. I know the power and lure of the Retro TV channel. Watching it right now as a matter of fact.

    • 5 lesleyfamily October 11, 2010 at 8:17 pm

      Hole. Eeee. Shit. I just googled the Retro TV channel and saw the line up. Incredible Hulk. Knight Rider. Airwolf. Battlestar Galactica. And so on. I might never put on pants and leave the house again.

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