I am not insane. The robot is real.

I found the robot. You might remember my tinfoil hat post about a robot taunting me by playing robot music at 10:53 every night. You probably figured I was full of beans, that the six Red Bulls I drink in the evening had twisted my brain and turned me into a lunatic, which, of course, is ridiculous.

I’m completely sane. And I can stop drinking Red Bull anytime.

Okay, sure, I might get a headache and drool if I don’t have a Red Bull every four hours. And, sure, since I started chugging Red Bell, my left eye might twitch involuntarily, and occasionally, I might swat at invisible insects or yell “INCOMING” in the grocery store. But come on. Everybody does that, right?

Anyway, the robot. It was real, and I hunted it down and saved my family from its sinister song. That probably makes me a hero.

Turns out, the robot is our busted iPod, which springs to life for exactly eight seconds at 10:53 every night.

As to the robot’s fate, I intended to set a good example for the boys by destroying it in the driveway with a flat-head screwdriver and then blowing the it up or at least set it on fire. Eli, of course, would help because everybody knows that smashing electronics is fun AND educational.

I mentioned my plan to Sally, adding that I’m probably the greatest dad of all time for showing the boys how to blow stuff up.

“Let me get this straight,” she said. “You’re going to pound apart our iPod and set it on fire?”

I nodded.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea,”  is what she said. What she thought was, “What’s it like in that head of yours, in Craig World?”

(If you’re wondering, in Craig World the beer is free and nobody has to wear church pants and I am Elvis Presley. Craig World is a magical land. I visit it often.)

So we’re taking the robot to the Apple store where it will be recycled, which is kind of boring. But that’s us. Regular jerks. Boring.

We probably need to blow something up to liven up our lives. Like maybe our broken DVD player.

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2 Responses to “I am not insane. The robot is real.”


  1. 1 Laura March 9, 2009 at 7:41 am

    I have to side with Sally — but not for the tree-huggin reason. My thought was if you start teaching Eli how cool it is to blow things up – how will he be at differentiating between blow-upable and not blow-upable? Then next thing you know – it’s off to Fry’s to buy a whole new stereo, computer, dvd player, ipod, robot, etc.

  2. 2 manda March 9, 2009 at 7:23 pm

    Most parents live exciting lives. I find myself, most days, wondering how in the world I got so freaking cool. 😛


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