Monster trucks love Metallica

Eli dressed himself this morning. He put on a yellow and orange Hawaiian shirt with a long-sleeved brown shirt over it. As you can gather from the picture, he’d outgrown that brown shirt two years ago. Tying the outfit together were grey and blue sweats, also several sizes too small.

(Notice Slade in the same picture. He looks like he’s smiling, but what he’s actually doing is filling his diaper.) 

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I introduced Eli to Metallica this morning. You know. Ride the Lightning. Metal Up Your Ass. Corporate suck ups. Metallica. That’s appropriate music for a four year old, right?

Truth be told, I’ve never been into Metallica, but my opinion changed somewhat a couple of months ago when Kyle, a co-worker, friend, beer aficionado, and that’s-what-she-said savant, showed up at the office with their latest, Death Magnetic.

Kyle: Dude, you’ve got to hear this. It rocks.

Me: Dude, I don’t like Metallica.

Kyle: Dude, quit whining like a little girl and just listen to it. It rocks balls.

So I listened, and though I’m loathe to admit this, Death Magnetic does, in fact, rock.

Turns out Eli agrees. On the way to preschool this morning, Eli asked if we could listen to Gogol Bordello, and while I dig their Borat-inspired gypsy punk music, I’m tired of hearing songs about vodka and marinated herring every morning. I suggested Metallica instead.

“Do monster trucks like Metallica?” Eli asked.

“Son, monster trucks adore Metallica,” I replied. I then told Eli that BJ, who owns a motorcycle and is therefore cool, and Trey, who owns a riding mower and is therefore also cool, love Metallica. That’s all the convincing the boy needed.

I tried to talk with Eli some as we drove to school, but every time I lowered the volume and made an attempt, Eli uttered these exact words:

“Dad, could you please turn up the music? I want to rock out.”

So we did. We rocked out to “Broken, Beaten, & Scarred,” as we cruised past Target in the station wagon. We blasted “The Day That Never Comes” as we pulled into Eli’s preschool, me singing “love is a four letter word” along with the band as I parked the wagon. No doubt we impressed the Republican moms and dads in their slacks and dresses dropping off their children.

Either that, or we horrified them as they realized that Walmart and miniWalmart were heading straight into their exclusive school.

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2 Responses to “Monster trucks love Metallica”


  1. 1 feeddunk February 6, 2009 at 6:43 am

    Ok. I was second guessing my choice to let my 7 and 2 year old listen to some Mudvayne. While most of the words fly over their heads they love to rock out. Van (my 2 year old) now says “I want to be a rockstar like my dad”.

  2. 2 Ges February 7, 2009 at 5:55 pm

    ok, it’s really not fair that Sally looks so good so soon after having that kid.
    She’s wearing earrings for godssake- and what appears to be lipstick. I have yet to shed my sweat pants and baseball cap- and it’s been 3 years!


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